Ensure the safety of your students and yourself during discipleship meetings
By: RoChelle Crow
"He did WHAT?” As I stood in the kitchen, my heart sank as my husband, Cameron, told me about another minister who had been accused of taking advantage of someone vulnerable who trusted them. For many, the surprise has worn off when they hear such news. In recent years, these reports have come out too often.
When discipling a student one-on-one, you are asking them to dive deep into spiritual concepts with you, and you are asking them to be vulnerable. During this current climate of not only accusations but verdicts of guilty leaders, you want to foster a safe and trustworthy environment for spiritual growth and discipleship. It is wise to have some standard practices designed to protect the well-being of the student and the integrity of you, the adult leader. Here are five best practices to consider:
Meet in Public and Visible Locations
Location matters. It may feel counterintuitive when trying to build trust with a student to meet in a public place, but you want to avoid secluded or private settings that could lead to inappropriate situations or false accusations.
Consider meeting at a coffee shop, library, or park, where there is regular foot traffic and visibility. If you must meet at church or a more private location, use a room with windows or an opened door and make sure others are within hearing distance. Ensure that the meeting can be easily observed by others.
Communicate Clearly and Maintain Accountability
You can still maintain a level of confidence while informing others of the meeting. It is good to notify another leader or staff member of the time and location of the discipleship meeting. This adds a layer or accountability.
Also, consider documenting all one-on-one interactions. This helps create transparency and can be referenced if any concerns arise.
Involve Parents or Guardians
Cameron and I strongly believe that a core practice in student ministry is to partner with parents and guardians! If they are not Christians, involving them in their child’s spiritual growth can be a method of evangelism and sharing Jesus with them. If they are followers of Jesus, empower them to speak into their child’s discipleship journey!
At the least, you want to ensure that parents or guardians are fully informed about the discipleship process and have given their explicit consent for one-on-one meetings. Keep them updated on the process and any significant discussions that take place.
Establish Clear Boundaries
It is wise for women to disciple female students and for men to disciple male students, but even with this in place, boundaries are needed. When meeting with a student, set clear boundaries regarding physical touch. Avoid any physical contact that could be misinterpreted, such as hugging, sitting too close, or touching sensitive areas like the back or shoulders.
Emotional boundaries should also be set. I tell girls that I disciple that my goal for them is to grow closer to Jesus, not be my best friend. Sometimes this means telling them things they do not want to hear. Sometimes this means pulling in another leader, parent, or even legal authorities into the conversation. The bottom line is that conversations should point them to Jesus and spiritual growth. When a student starts to follow you rather than the one you are pointing them to, it can lead to disappointment and even falling in their walk with God. Steward their spiritual health well. Set clear boundaries!
Use Technology Wisely
Technology is a student’s preferred method of communication. They are digital natives and understand the tech world more than most adults. That being said, if text messages, emails, or social media are used to communicate, ensure that the conversations are appropriate and can be comfortably shared with others. Be leery of apps that delete messages automatically. Copy parents or another leader on emails or messages when possible. Refrain from having private conversations over messaging platforms that cannot be monitored.
Cameron and I have a “rule of 2” on texting with students (and people of the opposite sex). The student may text me to ask a question about an event or get clarity about something, and I will respond. But if the texting goes beyond 2 text messages, it becomes a conversation, and the conversation will be moved to a group text with Cameron or another adult.
Side note: If you are volunteering or working with students, your church may have specific policies in place already. Be sure you are aware of your church's policies and practices. One of these policies should be to complete a background check and go through sexual abuse prevention and response training. Even if your church does not have this policy in place, it would be beneficial to complete a program such as MinistrySafe.
Discipleship is worth the effort and preparation. As you prepare to disciple a student one-on-one, it is critical to implement practices that prioritize the safety of both the student and yourself, the adult leader. Discipling students is a powerful and essential practice that affects the church, both now and for future generations! Let us move forward with safety and wisdom!
For more resources like this, check out: sproutingdiscipleshipworkbook.com
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